Speed Bumps

Speed-bump #1

A few nights ago I was making a mushroom sauce.  I was sniffing my bottles of cooking wine trying to figure out which one I should put in the sauce.  In comes my eldest son.

"Mom, what are you smelling?"
"Cooking wine" (Brief explanation of how we boil all the alcohol off)
"Wait," he says "So you're hiding in the kitchen drinking cooking wine?"
"No!" I say, a bit confused how we jumped from sniffing a bottle to raging alcoholism.

Had he been old enough to understand, I would have pointed out that if I was going to abandon everything I believed in it would NOT be for a plastic bottle of Kroger brand cooking wine.

Speed-bump #2

A few weeks ago I needed to run to the dance studio where I teach to pick up a DVD.  On the DVD was some choreography I needed to learn so I could teach it to my classes.

(Side note - we listen to some CDs called "The Safety Kids" by Janeen Brady.  One is about drugs and alcohol, one is about personal safety and one is about pornography.  These are awesome CDs and I heartily recommend them.  I mention this to point out why my kids are familiar with certain words.)

My two year old daughter wanted to come with me.  I said okay.  I buckled her in and away we went.

"Yeah, we're going to get mom's pornography," my daughter sang out jubilantly.
"No sweetie," I say.  "It's my CHOR-E-OGRAPHY video."
"Oh, your CORN-ography video."
"No, it's my ... we're just ... we're on an errand to mommies studio."  I know she can pronounce errand.

Speed-bump #3

My eldest daughter, inspired by our recent reading of Matilda, put green food coloring in the hair gel.  Luckily Daddy noticed before it did any damage.

Speed-bump #4

I went to the chiropractor yesterday.  As I lay on the table the good doctor said "Um, I think you sat in crayon shavings."


And on we go.

The List

I have been up for three nights straight with a melange' of earaches, fevers, teething and wet beds.  During the day we go, go, go and yet the messes get deeper, the dishes pile higher, my hair gets flatter, my clothes look frumpier ... you get the picture.

Well, I was absolutely certain I was doing stuff all day long.  At the end of the day I was just not sure what I had been doing all day long.  

So, I made a list.   Not a to-do list.  A DONE list.  A list of everything (well, almost everything) I did during the day.

Here it is:

Diaper changed

3 of 4 children dressed

Garbages emptied and can out to curb

Made green apple-craisin oatmeal sweetened with organic maple syrup and a dash of cinnamon (my favorite.)

One natural earache remedy made and applied to oldest son

Accepted a service opportunity

Fed and watered chickens

Fed the masses (except oldest son, who has crawled in my bed, fallen asleep, tossed and turned, lost his earache remedy which has soaked through the elbow of his shirt and my sheets. Will scrub later.)

Morning devotional (scriptures/friend stories/article of faith).

Worked on my writing

Updated budget

Nurse baby

Sign up for a coupon card I will probably regret, and will certainly cancel, but I do it for the awesome gift cards that comes with it.

Change diaper

Help child #3 poop on the toilet

Start Homeschool

Put new wart removal pad on child #1's thumb.

Change 3 lightbulbs.

Make baby food

Make 2^nd earache remedy

Listen to child #1 read

Eek, it's Noon. I am still in my pajamas.

Start peeling hard-boiled easter eggs for egg-salad for lunch. Wash a few cuties hoping to assuage the hunger pangs of the natives.

Start setting up babysitting for a (gasp) actual date with Daniel next month.

Wipe child #3 on the toilet again.

Enlist eldest daughter to feed the baby. She does so willingly, but with a look popular among martyred saints.

Child #3 looks at her plate and informs me that she, “doesn't like to eat lunch.” This from a girl who licks the driveway.

I relieve child #1 from baby feeding duty. I munch my blue speckled (apparently only the blue dye penetrates the shell) egg-salad sandwich with my left hand and feed child #4 with my right.

I check on child #2. He is sleeping. Poor little tyke.

Correct math and writing.

Child #3 is going commando for the 5^th time today. Explain importance of undergarments.

#3 half naked again. Tell her she must wear pants AND shoes to play outside. I am so unreasonable.

Check for eggs.

Clean urp-up off of the couch.

Child #3 is singing Yankee Doodle. At the end she says “Stuck a feather in his cap and calls it Mickey Rooney.” I love it. (For those of you without broad knowledge of old movie actors, Mickey Rooney did a lot of shows with Judy Garland)

Strap child #4 to my back and start the dishes. Get two dishes done.

Correct more math

Diffuse therapeutic oils

Find shoes

Do girls' hair.

Talk to my honey on his lunch break.

Video tape the girls being adorable outside.

E-mail my dad.

Put Child #4 down for a nap.

Tried to pick green silly putty out of a tan microfiber blanket. No good. Tried coconut oil, dish soap and a paring knife. That worked a little better.

Shower, glorious shower!

Moisturize, dress – no time for hair, kiddo #2 is awake and hungry.

Start chicken soup for dinner. Got as far as water and frozen chicken. Child #4 is awake and hungry.

Nurse child #4

Step on heart-shaped fondant cutter. Child #3 has been in my kitchen drawers again.

A blur of making snacks and finishing the soup

Read stories to my sick boy.

Phone call with my sister.

Send out a few e-mails.

Video tape my boys being so cute.

Call kids in from playing. Water and vitamin C drinks all round.

Bandage some owies.

5:00 pm Hair still not done. Time to start my morning jobs. Turn on some motivational music and get to work on the living room.

Okay, living room and dining room swept and picked up.

My Honey is home.

Plan the garden with my husband. He starts planting while I take care of the baby.

Set table

Feed baby

Dinner.

Go to my room to read an Ensign article. Okay, I can read with two kids in my lap and one dancing in front of my full length mirror.

Bedtime routine etc.

Ahhhh. As I look over this list I can see why, with the exception of the living room and dining room, the mess has gotten deeper, the dishes higher and the laundry remains untouched. I also see that I AM actually doing something. That is a relief.

Now if I could just look like Gwyeneth Paltrow while I do it ….