The individuality of the one

Diversity.  For a word that encompasses so much, we give it a rather limited scope.  We generally think of it in terms of skin tone and nationality.  Lately I have been marveling at the infinite diversity of souls on this Earth - particularly the diversity of souls in the rather "homogeneous" group of North American Christians it is my privilege to interact with.  


My husband comes from a rural (RURAL) area in Oregon.  Just a few miles past Beet Dump Road sits the modest red-brick, steepled chapel of his youth.  The air inside smells of old wood, Pine-Sol and love.  The congregation is largely made up of farmers; their burly frames poured into well worn suits.  Sun reddened necks chafe against starched collars  while large, calloused hands turn the delicate pages of much used scriptures.  The refinement of the women stands in stark contrast to the geography just outside.  Despite living miles away from any sort of shopping establishment, they manage to bring grace and style with them to church, as well as a refinement of the soul.  I especially look forward to the chorister there.  She sings with exuberance.  Her face shines.  She lifts her gray haired head to heaven and with both arms flung wide she stirs the air enthusiastically in time to the music.  Oh sure, the grammar from the pulpit may slip a bit, (occasionally it landslides), but Christian charity flows through that group the way water pours between the banks of the nearby Snake river.  


Today, in our home congregation (located in an area where the occasional sighting of a chipmunk counts as a rural experience), church began with a young, teenage girl who loves to bead and go four wheeling.  She talked about the missionary experiences she has already had in her young life.  Then, a young missionary from Leeds, England spoke.  He was young and fresh faced and armed with the polished turn of phrase that is so typically English.  With unstudied, yet elegant language he bore bold testimony of what he knew to be true.  His companion (in my church they always come in twos) was a straight talking, snowboard riding, motocross racing fellow from Arizona who bore a similarly bold testimony.


I think of the women I have become friends with in my little corner of the world:
the glamorous individualist
the brusque, but deeply generous military wife
the former Gothic turned writer
the home-schooling mom who reads philosophy
the woman across the street who taught my husband how to change our breaks.
the professional opera singer
the pleasantly befuddled extrovert
the former model turned entrepreneur
the philanthropic, semi-professional decorator


The diversity found in such an "un-diversified" bunch boggles the mind.  


I get so bothered when people complain about a lack of diversity at a school or in a church or in a city.  Usually those folks are looking for the kind of diversity that exists on the surface, in the skin, in the accent or in the country of origin listed on a visa - that or they are not brave enough to see past exteriors.  Would they but scratch the surface they would find a limitless variety of personalities, pains, struggles and brilliance.  The individuality of the one transcends races and places.  


It seems to me that diversity is a well established fact, not a goal.  Perhaps the world would be better off if we focused less on external diversity and strove more for internal unity.


The Lord said, "If ye are not one, ye are not mine."  D&C 38:27


Ironically, the more we strive to become one with the Lord, the more gloriously unique we become.  That is a kind of diversity I can really get behind.

Ammendment

Okay, so I just realized that I only wrote down the depressing half of my theory on us not progressing much past five.  There is a rather gorgeous side to that theory.  While I do believe that our problems stay fundamentally the same (pride, selfishness, finding our identity, kindness, no hitting, braving new situations, wanting acceptance, etc.) I believe our greatest achievements fall into the same genres as our five year olds' too.  The Savior said of little children "of such is the kingdom of heaven."  I marvel at my children's capacity to love, forgive and accept.  I rejoice in their light and their abandon.  They show affection without affectation.  They create beauty daily.  They smile easily, perhaps as a result of the audacious optimism that comes naturally to children.  They explore and dream.  They inspire me with their remorse for wrong and their strength in goodness.  They show no fear in professing what they believe.  They are fierce and faithful and fabulous.  I aspire to be like the best that is in my children and I hope to learn from them as we battle our life-long challenges together.


How silly of me to leave out the best part of that theory.

Ta Da!

I just broke into my shed with two dandelion diggers.  I repeat, it was my shed.  Something in the knob had broken and this spring afternoon required the scooters that were in there.  When that door swung wide I felt like I had super powers.  I should mention that I can also mend fish-net tights with dental floss and can use a blow-dryer to start an 88 Chevy Nova with a jammed carburetor.  Super-powers indeed.

So far my duct-tape/popsicle-stick fix on the doorknob is not working.  But I have a Phillip's screwdriver that says this battle isn't over.

No this is not particularly elegant, but it qualifies as simple and daily for me.  Two out of three .... yeah, I'll go with it.

What Elegance Isn't

Today I wheeled child #3 and a basket of groceries out into a glorious morning. The persistent gray drizzle that pervaded the past three days had let up and the sun had just broken through the clouds. As I walked to my car, I felt marvelous. I smiled at the woman walking toward me and she gave me an ear-to-ear grin, full of warmth. Her fluffy peroxided hair and bright fuchsia 80's silk shirt drew a stark contrast to the lingering gray of the morning and to the gray of her sweat pants. Not exactly an "elegant" outfit, but who cares what a person looks like when they treat you like your very existence has brightened their day. Just behind her was a lady dressed in the season's latest from New York and Co. I, feeling full of sunshine and human kindness, smiled at her too. She looked past me with the squint eyed sourness of the self-proclaimed sophisticate. I shriveled a bit inside.

Now I am not saying that stylish dress begets sourness. On the contrary, elegant dress and things and experiences often bring out the best in people. And marching to the beat of an off-beat drummer (stylistically or otherwise) does not guarantee a soul full of sunshine.

My point is, that this morning I was given a powerful lesson as to what elegance isn't. Style devoid of substance is empty, not elegant. Stripped of story and warmth and joy, no person or thing can attain true elegance. But the quirky, the off-beat and even the flat out odd exude elegance when they possess that "je ne sais quoi" that gives joy and light to those around them.

Equalish

I hold this truth to be self-evident, that all men are created equalish.

Obviously, all people have certain inalienable rights and responsibilities, but that's about the extent of it. Way too often I start comparing my life and myself to others under the false assumption that we are the same. In that sense, no person is equal to another.

My personality, priorities, proclivities, family history, health and talents are like a three dimensional fingerprint - unduplicated anywhere in the world. And get this, it is constantly changing. So comparing my self with the person I was 10 years ago isn't even viable.

I had the most amazing day yesterday. I got all the laundry done, folded and away (normally a four day activity). I did the dishes, made dinner, got my tires rotated and balanced, and even picked three bucketfuls of dandelions. Where did this day come from?! I don't know, but sign me up for another one.

Last night, I lay in bed remembering a day, just a few years ago, in the thick of my chronic fatigue when I spent most of my day laying on the couch. When the children wanted to go outside, I staggered to the back yard, lay facedown on the cement patio and stayed there inert till they clamored to go inside again and I could transfer back to the couch. Everything measurable in my life fell way below par. That was very much a "one talent" phase of life for me. I would think back to the super-productive, accomplishment-packed "ten talent" phase I had been in at the end of college, or even the "five talent" phase I experienced as the illness was just taking hold and I would feel desperately inadequate.

When surrounded by people in five and ten talent mode, it is nearly impossible to remember that the Lord only asks us to do the best with what we have. Sometimes, just enduring is the absolute maximum we are capable of. But, when we do what we can do, even if it is next to nothing, the Lord blesses us with an increase. I emerged from years of sickness with new eyes and a new heart. I viewed myself and my fellow man with increased tolerance and love. My empathy deepened, and my judgements gained generosity. I learned that what we do is fairly inconsequential, but who we are is monumental. Not a bad return on that one talent experience.

So before I pat myself too heartily on the back for my amazing days or get too down on myself for my less than amazing days, I'd better remember that the Lord gives what he will give. I just have to do the best I can and quit my comparing. Because in the end, I will never be "equal" to another person's accomplishments or challenges, but the Lord will make me equal to my own.

The Key to Simplicity

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

~Ezra Taft Benson,

Conference, April 1988

Quote II

At the end of the Bill Bryson book I have been reading, he included the text of a commencement speech he gave. In it, he gave ten brief rules for life. The last part of #9 spoke to me.

"You have your whole life ahead of you. But here's the thing to remember. You will always have your whole life ahead of you. That never stops and you shouldn't forget it."

Quote

I saw this quote on a blog that I like to read. It comes from someecards.com. It was too good not to share. It shows a mom holding a baby. The caption reads:

"I plan to give you love, nurturing and just enough dysfunction to make you funny."

Mascot

A while ago, I saw that my friend's son was playing for a team called the Thunder Ducks. What a marvelously incongruous mascot. That took some serious creativity. But what are you to do when the Fighting Tigers and the Rampaging Rhinos are taken? Get creative and hope you have one heck of a sales pitch. "Okay guys, all the animals at the top of the food chain are taken, but I think we could really do something with ducks. How about the saber toothed ducks, or the power ducks ... no wait I have it..."

After seeing that, I began to wonder what my personal mascot would be. I was thinking of something to do with owls or tigers, but what flashed into my mind was an image I will not soon forget. It had a geeky gloriousness that was too perfect to ignore. From the depths of my heart I wish my perfect mascot was a sleek panther or a noble eagle, but no, apparently my mascot is (.....drumroll.....) the Lightning Llama.

The Lighting Llama wears a track suit, holds a lightning bolt Zeus style, and has fierce look in his eyes that draws a stark contrast to his knocked knees and pigeon-toed hoofs. This Llama is all business - and that is what makes him so hilarious.

Someday I may be a brazen bobcat, or a svelte sphinx. Till then, I will Llama on (as elegantly as is humanly possible.)

Paper Castles

Some people build castles in the clouds. I build mine on lined paper.

I have been designing my dream home for years. Countless erasures and tweaks and total renovations later it is still a work in progress, much like me.

Everyone should have an outlet for big dreams. A place uninhibited by budgets, time, acreage or reality. I love the freedom of it. I can gather ideas and create blueprints for the minimal cost of pencil lead and a legal pad. I clip pictures from Home Depot adds, immerse myself in houzz.com and twice have even indulged in check-out line renovation magazines.

In this crazy world self-therapy is a must. Thank heavens for novels, chocolate, movies and paper castles.

Theories

I am my father's daughter. Growing up, no matter what topic came up in conversation, his eyes would brighten, and he would either lean forward meaningfully, or wave his finger through the air and say "I have a theory about that." His theories range from medicine to quantum physics to aliens. Now he does have four degrees, so most of his theories (with the possible exception of the ones about aliens) have solid backing.

Even without the four degrees, my genetics are showing. I find myself leaning and pointing and declaring myself to be in possession of a theory more often than not.

In my last post I mentioned one of my theories; that we never progress much past five - if that. Now, I admit, that sounds depressing - especially if you happen to be acquainted with anyone in the five and under age range. But the more closely I become acquainted with two, three, four and five year olds, the more they bear my theory out.

Take the jargon away from the politics of the workplace or the political arena, and they look embarrassingly similar to the politics of the playground. Take a good look at the social dynamics of a kindergarten classroom, remove glue eating and the the phrase "poo-poo head" and compare it to the social dynamics of your work-place, church, social-club or political party. True, we adults occasionally exhibit a bit more external self control. But when was the last time that you had words like "Talk about an ego trip," or "Where do they get off?!" ringing in your head after an encounter with a fellow human? We simply choose these words over "stupid-face" and talk about them behind their backs rather than hurling the words at the offending individual. Now, this may push into the more advanced levels of socialization, possibly even into the third grade, but the general idea holds true.

One example in particular has been on my mind. I have a child who does not like to go to bed. No matter what the hour, she will howl like a banshee whenever she is put into bed. I, as the infinitely wise parent, can see that she is exhausted. I know that she needs to be in bed. I know that consistency, boundary setting and sleep have been scientifically proven to benefit children. I also know that putting her to bed is an act of great love. If I did not love her so well, I would not go through the hassle. But love and science notwithstanding, she screams and screams and screams. She does not want to be there.

How often does God put me into places where I do not want to be? Often, as it so happens. And what do I do? I send him a barrage of mental post-it-notes:

"Dear God, This is not what I had in mind. I have some great ideas for getting me out of this one. Bottom line, I do not want to be here. Sincerely, etc. etc."

I petition on my knees for the experience to end. I fume. I pace. I worry. I whine. And in the end, I end up experiencing it and growing and emerging a finer individual for it. I know He puts me in those positions to polish me. I know He loves me, or he wouldn't bother. I know he has infinite wisdom and power and His only purpose is to turn me into the best person I can be so that I can go home to Him again. But love and wisdom notwithstanding I fuss and bother because I do not want to be there.

Being a parent gives me greater insight into God. It also gives me a new and humbling view of myself, not to mention a lot of new theories.

Screen Doors

It has come to my attention that children do not like to "be" anywhere. Send two children out into the glorious sunshine, and do they stay out and play the way they do in tide commercials and home magazines? No. They do not. They do not want to be out. They want to be slamming through screen doors, perpetually halfway between in and out. Once outside, something in the air makes them need drinks and the potty and band-aids and snacks. After a good three minutes of hard play, they come in with eyes like marooned sailors, begging for a little something to eat ... and by the way the half dozen friends assembled on the lawn are similarly afflicted.

The same happens at pools. No child wants to be in the water. They want to be jumping in and out and running on the wet cement. There is something about wet cement that compels anyone under the age of 10 to run. What are they in such a hurry for? Well, if they are out, they must get in and the sooner the better.

This drives me crazy, but being the ever just Libra that I am, I had to stop to consider if I, in my infinitely quieter, more adult way, was not guilty of the exact same thing. You see, I have this theory that we never really progress much past two, five at most. Things are just defined more expensively and more eloquently. If this is true, then perhaps this physician should first heal herself. After some thought I realized, with chagrin, that I too was guilty. On an average day, my brain runs like this: If I am cleaning, then I should be reading to my children. If I am reading, then I should be cooking. If I am cooking, I should be exercising. If I am exercising, there is homework and practicing to attend to.

Yes, often I do multiple things at once, and while that is not an inherently bad way of living, I realized the need just be where I am. To just do what I am doing and allow my emotional screen door to stop slamming quite so much.

Best, Bester, Bestest

As we know, so much of life is not choosing good over bad, but choosing the better over the good and the best over the better. This is tough. What makes it even tougher is when the "best" list explodes. Here is a sample list of "bests", taken exclusively from the scriptures and things mentioned in general conferences.

Personal prayer, meditation, pondering, scripture study, family prayer, family scripture study, keeping a clean home, cooking healthy meals, growing a garden, reading the Sunday school lesson and Relief Society or Priesthood lesson in advance, family history, keeping clothes and children clean and presentable, continuing your education, helping children with their education, dating your spouse, creating opportunities for family work and wholesome recreation, visiting teaching/home teaching, doing more for your VTees than a monthly visit, serving someone, having a missionary experience, attending all church meetings and activities, reading educational books, fulfill and magnify callings, support other in their callings, exercise, turn everyday experiences into gospel learning moments, getting adequate sleep, bear testimony to family, ...

This list belongs on a blog called Complicated Hourly Chaos not Simple Daily Elegance. In contrast, I am struck by the Lord's invitation in Moses 6:34:

"Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me."

Not "sprint with me" or "marathon with me", the invitation is to "walk with me." Not even half of the "best" things will fit into a simple, daily walk with Christ.

For me, my daily walk needs to include prayer (personal and family), scriptures (personal and family) and making sure my calling and visiting teaching are done for the month. Everything else comes on a day by day, prayer by prayer basis. If my essential things happen and my children are fed, then I think the day should count as a raging success. I loved the Ensign article from a few months back that encourages us not to look at our neighbors when assessing ourselves, but to only look up, to the Master. Life looks a lot more doable when I stop looking from friend to friend to determine what "best" things to include in my daily walk.

Here's to a simple, elegant walk today, full of personal "bests".