Speed Bumps

Speed-bump #1

A few nights ago I was making a mushroom sauce.  I was sniffing my bottles of cooking wine trying to figure out which one I should put in the sauce.  In comes my eldest son.

"Mom, what are you smelling?"
"Cooking wine" (Brief explanation of how we boil all the alcohol off)
"Wait," he says "So you're hiding in the kitchen drinking cooking wine?"
"No!" I say, a bit confused how we jumped from sniffing a bottle to raging alcoholism.

Had he been old enough to understand, I would have pointed out that if I was going to abandon everything I believed in it would NOT be for a plastic bottle of Kroger brand cooking wine.

Speed-bump #2

A few weeks ago I needed to run to the dance studio where I teach to pick up a DVD.  On the DVD was some choreography I needed to learn so I could teach it to my classes.

(Side note - we listen to some CDs called "The Safety Kids" by Janeen Brady.  One is about drugs and alcohol, one is about personal safety and one is about pornography.  These are awesome CDs and I heartily recommend them.  I mention this to point out why my kids are familiar with certain words.)

My two year old daughter wanted to come with me.  I said okay.  I buckled her in and away we went.

"Yeah, we're going to get mom's pornography," my daughter sang out jubilantly.
"No sweetie," I say.  "It's my CHOR-E-OGRAPHY video."
"Oh, your CORN-ography video."
"No, it's my ... we're just ... we're on an errand to mommies studio."  I know she can pronounce errand.

Speed-bump #3

My eldest daughter, inspired by our recent reading of Matilda, put green food coloring in the hair gel.  Luckily Daddy noticed before it did any damage.

Speed-bump #4

I went to the chiropractor yesterday.  As I lay on the table the good doctor said "Um, I think you sat in crayon shavings."


And on we go.